Months passed by and while I look at the world much more differently than I did, I felt that something was not right. Something was missing.
This is not like some romantic flick that a guy comes by to complete you. No, it's different. Something IS missing, but what? I've learned the hard way that waiting for more than a year and a half for something to happen is the pits. I've also learned the hard way that longing for someone you can't have is INSANE! So after waiting and longing in vain, I stopped. I said goodbye and severed my ties to anything related to those two men in my life. So now I am currently crushless and not in-love with anyone.
The funny part was, I never felt better in my whole life. I felt free! At first I felt empty but then that changed, I felt a sense of freedom I never felt before. Would that be weird? I doubt it.
Now I am in a part of my life where I needed to choose if I should stay alone or be with someone for the rest of my life. Endless loneliness is terrifying but so is the neverending pain with someone you're stuck with someone who you thought was great but wasn't. The price you pay? Your life.
Committing myself with God is out of the question. Few people (including me) would answer the call to serve God and man, making a vow of chastity, poverty and humility. It's not an easy way and I salute those who chose that path in life.
So I'm choosing between single blessedness and the sacrament of marriage. What a choice. I'll just let God decide for me.
Back to the earlier question: what is missing in my life?
I have yet to find out.
